i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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