Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm bleeding and have questions
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
