he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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