Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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