your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
