we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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