Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
