You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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