Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
