Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
