I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
