i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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