And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
