I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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