Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
