4 words: hood of his car
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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