Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
