Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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