So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize