sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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