I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
