we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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