i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize