i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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