I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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