Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
