The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
