i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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