its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
her vagine was all disorganized.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize