I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
