I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
