Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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