nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
