The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
false alarm. still invincible.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
