The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i think my cat just said my name.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
