i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
