you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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