Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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