Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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