I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
