Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
