Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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