just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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