i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
