I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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