Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
