Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
