she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
