He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize