You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
