Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
