Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
