drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
