i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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