Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize