I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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