woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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