I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
