If i come over, it means nothing
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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