She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
