She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
