You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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