it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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