Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
