Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
