new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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