what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
