it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize