Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
