I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize