allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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