My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
