Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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