Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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