My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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