My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize