I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
