Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
