I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
