I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
