I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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