im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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