so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
