I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We're too hungover to prance.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
