Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
