Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
