If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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