I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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