Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
