You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
