Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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