I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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