I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
