I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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