I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize