i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
