I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
