I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
