time to smoke my breakfast
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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