i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
