I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
