My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
