come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
