Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
