stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
