I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
