the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
