I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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